Bright Sunshiny Day

Seth has been on Intuniv for almost 3 weeks.  I'm praising God that we see  positive results!  He has a crisp look in his eyes.  That is so refreshing for him.  He hasn't gotten distracted by his thoughts during a conversation at all that I've noticed, and believe me..I'm paying close attention.  If he loses track, like we all do, he has been able to pick right up and carry on. My heart is happy for Seth.  His wise and wonderful teacher has noticed positive results too.  He has finished his school work in an appropriate time, not being last to finish.  She also said something that stuck to my heart....she said 'He isn't standing out lately.  He is blending in with the rest of the kids.'.  Exhale.  Smile.

I encourage individuality.  I encourage my kids to stand out in positive ways.  Until now, Seth has been standing out..but not how I want him to or how he would want to (if he realized he were different).  The fact that he is meshing and blending in with the others in the class makes me very happy.  This is a definite benefit.

I have noticed a few other things side affects that I wasn't expecting.  Along with being ADHD-inattentive he also has Asperger's Syndrome.  The Intuniv is allowing him to be more of himself...more Asperger's for sure.  His interesting humor is more pronounced.  He is asking so many questions right now...common sense type questions.  It's almost like so many things passed him by while he was in his haze and now he is seeing things and wanting to understand them for the first time.  He is having more dramatic tantrums.  In fact, he was having a fit recently and I said to him, 'You are having a fit.  Is this really what you want to do?'.  His huge, crisp eyes looked at me and he yelled, 'Yes I do!! And..I'm NOT having a fit!  I'm having a TANTRUM as a matter of fact!!' His pre-Intuniv tantrums were more physical....jumping up and down, punching himself in the head, etc.  This was different.  He articulated his feelings.  Exhale.  Smile.

All of this success has come at a smallish price.  The medication has made him physically ill.  The first week was not great.  He had stomach pain, diarrehea, and vomitting.  I was giving him the medication reluctantly, it seemed counter intuitive to give him something that would definetely make him sick.  The information told me this was normal and it would soon pass...it did.  It took a few days for the worst of it to pass and then gradually the other symptoms have waned.  The side affects were worse when we first started and when we upped the dosage.  He is up to 3mg now.  Time will tell if this is enough. 

This little blog doesn't really do justice to the scope of his situation, but these are tidbits that I hope others will find helpful.  I know just typing it out is helpful to me, I get to reflect on the little things and be glad in them. 

Exhale.  Smile.

The Load is Taking My Muchness..I'm taking it BACK!

I don't get enough sleep.  When I add up all that I do in a 24 hour period and then see the actual time I spend resting my body...ummm...it's no wonder I am sick with a wicked cold.  My day starts at 6:15 a.m. and sometimes doesn't end until 8 or later. I get lost in all of the doctor appointments, the to and fro of the extra curricular activities the 4 kids are in, and the day to day grind.  My husband is gone until the end of the summer, so the load is doubled in many ways.  It is a lot and doesn't leave me much time for a personal life, but I love my life and I love doing what I do for my family...I'm just lacking something.  Poor me, right.  Not exactly.

Yes, I need a break sometimes.  Yes, I need one less eye roll or complaint from the kids.  Yes, a few more hours of sleep would work too.  Yes, I need to take care of myself so that I don't get to this point ...where I look in the mirror at overgrown eyebrows, too many extra long gray hairs, and a few extra pounds and say 'What has happened?!'. 

I NEED my muchness back.  I'm not talking about self importance.  I'm not talking about pride.  I'm talking about the muchness I have in God.  The part of me that is being muffled and shaded.  The part that should speak the loudest and shine the brightest.  The Fruits of the Spirit, the traits that I have through God, the parts of me that without Him I fail to launch successfully....daily.  Specifically....

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” (Galatians 5:22)


I have allowed my load to take a portion of all of these traits and wear me down and make me sick, literally.  So what to do, what to do.....

Oh I know....stop running myself ragged.  Start working out again.  Yoga was a regular thing, get back on that track.  Drink more water and get more SLEEP!

Thankfully, my first response in moments of despair has been to call out and cry out to God.  I spent some time this week sobbing to God.  I said to Him, 'I can't do this!'.  He immediately called back, 'Yes you can.'.  I cried back, 'But I don't know how!'.  He IMMEDIATELY called back, 'Yes you do.'.  He knows me better than I know myself.  I am thankful for everyday, thankful that He allows some trial and fire.  He has confidence in me.  So....'What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?'  Romans 8:31. 

It's time to slow down.  It's time to breathe.  It's time to appreciate the little things.  IT'S TIME TO TAKE MY MUCHNESS BACK!